As we come up on 7 months after losing Luke, I am continually amazed that we are still standing. It is only through the grace of God that we continue to move forward. We have had a very special week, but it has taken a lot out of us. Last Wednesday was another night of counseling for the kids and the support group for Keith and I. Keith stayed home with Sarah and the boys and I went. It helps us all, but I come home so tired. Thursday we spent a beautiful evening at Riley at a memorial service for all the kids that had died a Riley around when Luke did. A room filled with families that will be ever changed... it was a well done service. Keith and I were proud to stand when Luke's name was read. We were struck that this will be the only time that we will hear his name be called in a list- no graduation from high school or college. We usually do not spend much time or energy on what could have been, but that was pretty blatant. Forever stuck in time at 8 years old. Benjamin sat on my lap and stroked my head as I cried. He was so tender and loving. He was sad and touchy on Saturday and I took him on my lap and begged him to tell me what was wrong. He kept saying "nothing" which is not unusual for him. I gave him some suggestions and I finally said, "Are you missing Luke?" He got quiet for a little bit and then said in a quiet voice, "Yes". This has been the first time that he has been able to put together that he was feeling sad because of losing Luke. He has had such a hard time putting together why he feels the way that he does. It hurts my Mommy heart that he has such a hard time grieving and letting it out. Our neice and nephew were visiting on Friday and were able to attend a Sock Hop that the student council at the kid's elementary school put on. They did it as a fundraiser for Make A Wish in memory of Luke. The kids looked great in their 50's style clothes and were so cute. They did all kinds of group dances and even had a hula hoop contest! Luke was a really good hula hooper! He would have enjoyed that part! Keith's brother and his wife and kids stayed for dinner and the kids got to play together. Our neice and nephew spent the night with us on Saturday and we all had a great time. Our nephew (who is only 9 months older than Benjamin) spent the night in his room which made him so happy. /He has not gotten used to sleeping alone yet. Sunday morning Keith's sister and her family joined us at church. We watched the Music/Arts/Drama performance that the kids put on twice a year. The kids used to be involved when Luke was here. It was excrutiating to watch and I had to leave. After I got myself back under control, I was able to watch the rest. It was great and the kids did a wonderful job. Some memories are just too painful at times.
Last night at work three of my families were really grieving and needed a lot of TLC. To be honest, I am a little weary of dealing with grieving people- I get a little sick of myself sometimes. Thankfully I have tonight off.
Samuel has decided to try the track team and school and I hope that is something that he will enjoy. He looked great doing the warm ups and I am really proud of his effort. He has been rather uncommunicative lately and really in his own world. I would love to live in his world for a day and truly see how he looks at the world and those of us in it;
We have recently spent way too much money on our "free" shelter cat, Winston Churchill. We have had him for a year and just had him declawed, and he needed most of his teeth removed. He was shedding so badly that while he was under, we had him shaved. A clawless, toothless, and hairless cat.. He is a sight to see! HE has been a "lemon" since the beginning, but we love him anyway...