Tuesday, March 5, 2013

March already...

Two years ago yesterday we brought Luke home from his lung transplant evaluation in St. Louis.  This year I watched Sarah play around the house and sent the big boys to school. How different our lives are. It is so nice to have PTO time built up at work, we are able to plan ahead, and one day looks like the next. It is what we wished for many years.  We are finding the joy and peace of that now.  It is strange to say though that I would throw myself back into the tumult to have Luke back. After a lovely lunch with some friends, I stopped at Riley today to drop off some toys. It is such a sacred place to me.  I have so many memories of Luke there- all the bad, but good too. We had so much time together those long days in the hospital. When he felt up to it, we would read, watch TV, laugh, and watch The Price is Right at 11:00. He died there and his spirit left us in the South PICU. Sacred.

From November to now has been a hard stretch for me, but I am feeling good right now. Settling into working full time much better and am doing a better job "Getting it Together".  Keith continues to be the rock that our family stands upon.  He has amazed me how much  he gives to the kids and I.

Benjamin is lonely right now and very sensitive. He has friends and of course Samuel, but he misses his best friend.  Sleeping continues to be an issue. We have to lay down with him every night and if we do not sleep in his room all night, he will come into ours if he wakes up. I feel so helpless to make him feel better. I keep hoping time will be what he needs.

Sarah Jane is amazing- a TOTAL toddler, but delicious all the same. She is into everything- especially toilets, toilet paper, the recycling bin, trash can, and drawers. She loves to "write" with pens on paper (or her belly), loves to read (the same book over and over), and dances. She has discovered Elmo and loves her princess castle.  We are loving having her so much.

Finding so much happiness in what I have. I am so overwhelmed at what my life would have been if we could have kept Luke.  Could one person really be that blessed?